UNIT 4. BONDING TALK: CONVERSATIONAL STYLE (SIGNALS AND DEVICES)

WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF ESTABLISHING CONTACT CONVERSATIONALLY (WITHIN THE SAME CULTURE OR INTERCULTULLY)? ARE YOU AWARE OF THE CLOSE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN WHAT IS SAID (SEMANTICS) AND HOW IT IS SAID (PRAGMATICS)? DO YOU EVER FEEL MISUNDERSTOOD BECAUSE YOUR CONVERSATION SIGNALS DIFFER FROM THOSE OF OTHER PEOPLE YOU COMMUNICATE WITH? DO YOU THINK ENGLISH/AMERICAN/RUSSIAN BONDING TALK ( K.FOX’S TERM) IS DISTINCTLY SEX-SPECIFIC (male vs. female strategies)?

Failure to pay attention to the phonetic means (e.g. changing the speed of speaking, using proper pausation, varying loudness and pitch, voice quality etc.) that might help us accomplish the work of conversation, such as showing attention, interest, or solidarity can lead to serious interpersonal misunderstandings. Someone who speaks slowly or softly can feel that he is being cut off by someone with a louder, more rapidly paced conversational style. Misreading conversational signals could also have wider social consequences. A NewYorker’s rapid speech style can be misinterpreted as impolite and aggressive, while speakers with a southern drawl, for instance, could be misperceived as slow and lazy. As J. Wilce, an American Professor of Anthropology, would put it, when conversational style is taken to be an icon, or a essential characteristic of the speaker, instead of an index pointing to regional origin, this can lead to the development of stereotypes and prejudice (more examples from the students).

D. Tannen’article “Conversational signals and devices” (to scan pp.150-160):

SIGNALS

-Pacing and pausing

-Loudness

-Pitch and intonation

DEVICES (The gears of conversation)

-Expressive reaction

-Asking questions

-The art of ritual complaining

-Setting a good example

Tannen’s signals are not the only ones in use. CAN YOU THINK OF SOME OTHERS (voice quality)?

READ THE PASSAGES FROM “Watching the English” AND NOTE THE DIFFERENCE BTW ENGLISH FEMALE AND MALE BONDING (=ESTABLISHING CONTACT). ARE THE SPECIFIC TRAITS THE SAME IN OTHER CULTURES (IN RUSSIA, FOR INSTANCE)?

FEMALE BONDING:the Counter-compliment Rules

English female bonding-talk often starts with a ritual exchange of compliments. In fact, this ritual can be

observed at almost every social gathering of two or more female friends. I have eavesdropped on female

complimenting rituals in pubs, restaurants, coffee shops and night-clubs; at race-meetings and other sports

events; at theatres, concerts, Women’s Institute meetings and biker rallies; in shopping centres and on street

corners; on buses and trains; in school playgrounds, university cafeterias and office canteens. I found that when

women are accompanied by men, they tend to conduct a somewhat truncated version of the complimenting

ritual, although they often retreat to the ladies’ loos to complete the exchange (yes, I followed them); in allfemale

groups, the full version will be performed in public.

Observing the many variations of this ritual, and often participating as well, I noticed that the compliments are

not exchanged at random, but in a distinctive pattern, in accordance with what I came to call the ‘countercompliment

rule’. The pattern is as follows. The opening line may be either a straight compliment, such as ‘Oh, I

like your new haircut!’ or a combination of a compliment and a self-critical remark: ‘Your hair looks great; I wish I

had gorgeous hair like you – mine’s so boring and mousy.’ The counter-compliment rule requires that the response

to either version contain a self-deprecating denial, and a ‘counter-compliment’, as in ‘Oh no! My hair’s terrible. It

gets so frizzy – I wish I could have it short like you, but I just don’t have the bone structure; you’ve got such

good cheekbones.’ This must be countered with another self-critical denial, and a further compliment, which

prompts yet another self-deprecating denial and yet another counter-compliment, and so the ritual continues.

There are social ‘points’ to be gained by making amusing, witty self-critical remarks – some English women have

turned this kind of humorous self-deprecation into an art form, and there can almost be an element of

competitiveness in their one-downmanship.

The conversation may jump from hair to shoes to thighs to professional achievement, fitness, social skills,

dating success, children, talents and accomplishments – but the formula remains the same. No compliment is ever

accepted; no self-denigrating remark ever goes unchallenged. When a compliment is too obviously accurate to be

received with the customary flat or humorous denial, it is deflected with a hasty, embarrassed ‘Well, thank you,

er . . .’ often followed by a self-effacing qualification of some sort, and the inevitable counter-compliment, or at

least an attempt to change the subject.

When I asked English women why they could not just accept a compliment, they usually responded by

reiterating their denial of the specific compliment in question, and often attempting to throw in a countercompliment

to me while they were at it. This was not helpful, except in confirming that the rule was deeply

ingrained, so I tried to phrase the question in more general terms, talking about the patterns I had observed in

their conversation, and asking how they would feel about someone who just accepted a compliment, without

qualification, and didn’t offer one in return. The typical response was that this would be regarded as impolite,

unfriendly and arrogant – ‘almost as bad as boasting.’ Such a person would also be seen as ‘taking herself a bit

too seriously.’ One woman replied, and I swear this is true and was not prompted in any way, ‘Well, you’d know

she wasn’t English!’